Porn on a Train

[evadne_noel]

This morning, on my way in to work via the Metro, I sat down next to a 50-something lady with her laptop open. I, being the nosy busybody that I am, glanced over at what she was reading.



It was Buffy fanfic porn. Spike/Xander, no less.









I'm trying to think of something witty to add to this, but I think it just speaks for itself.

Comments

[myjarofdirt.livejournal.com]

Uhm.
Lmao.

[dreamstrifer.livejournal.com]

That's just...


yeah.

[foofee25.livejournal.com]

...

Yeah, there's really nothing to say to that.

[deadndried.livejournal.com]

I was once at a horror convention (Screamfest) with a friend last year, and whiel we were in the vendors room, we overhear a man go "ah!" as if he found something he was looking for, and when we looked, it was a box of porn magazines. It was so funny we laughed right infront of him.

[evadne-noel.livejournal.com]

Catching people at their porn is always fun.

[lindewen.livejournal.com]

that is slightly disturbing....

[evadne-noel.livejournal.com]

But completely hilarious.

[gaffsie.livejournal.com]

That's awsome.

[bandman.livejournal.com]

It would have been EXCELLENT if it turned out to be one of your BBEs.

[evadne-noel.livejournal.com]

Excellent, yes. But not nearly as funny as BtVS porn.

[tanaraniel.livejournal.com]

I guess some people need more than Folgers to wake up in the morning. Too bad it wasn't Giles. I find the line "cup of tea, cup of tea, almost got shagged, cup of tea" unreasonably funny.

[evadne-noel.livejournal.com]

Giles was in the story, but I have no idea if he was getting/almost getting shagged. I did not read far enough in.

[jscarlettlg.livejournal.com]

Thank you for that.

[evadne-noel.livejournal.com]

No problem. I just find all the great stuff on trains.

[eglow23.livejournal.com]

That's pretty much the best thing I've heard all day. Thank you.

Spike/Xander? Huh.

[evadne-noel.livejournal.com]

Spike/Xander does not seem, to me, to be an obvious choice. But, the lady seemed to like it.

[irishmastermind.livejournal.com]

That is hilarious. For some reason, "grown-ups" in fandoms seem incongrous to me, even though I know it's silly to think so.

[evadne-noel.livejournal.com]

I think people just assume people are their age. I think everyone is either my age or slightly younger. And then get weirded out when they talk about high school, or their child's high school.

[mini-snape.livejournal.com]

Mwahahaha, my plan to have porn rule the world is finally working!

[evadne-noel.livejournal.com]

Aha! So, it's you, then! I should have known.

[vkitty.livejournal.com]

... so it's true? Grown-ups actually write fanfiction?

[evadne-noel.livejournal.com]

Yes, Virginia. There are people over 35 in YOUR fandom.

[redcoast.livejournal.com]

Well, did you say, "Wow! I like fanfic too! Do you write or just read?"

[evadne-noel.livejournal.com]

I thought about it, but I'm not in BtVS fandom, so I had no idea where that conversation could go. "I see you're reading Spander porn. My fandom, Harry Potter, has some pretty dumb pairing names too!"

[jdgrl47.livejournal.com]

GAH! SPIKE/XANDER PORN, NUUUUUUUU!

Surslee, I'm in the Buffy fandom, and Spander... *shivers* Nasty. Even though Spike naked automatically equals me doing this: KJHRJKSDHLKJSKLJSKLJWEKL *thud*

That's always weird finding older people in your fandom. Never heard of 50 year olds though...

P.S. ~ Porn on a Train... how much do you want to bet that there will be a porn with this title by the end of the year?

[evadne-noel.livejournal.com]

I admit that Spike/Xander is something that I never considered, but neither am I in the fandom. Though, even if I were, I still don't think it'd be my first, second, third choice.

"Trouser Snakes on a Plane" is my first guess for a rip-off movie.

[spiffychocolate.livejournal.com]

I am absolutely speechless.

and I really need some buffy icons.

[evadne-noel.livejournal.com]

If I had been talking at the time, I probably would have been rendered speechless too. As it was, I had trouble concentrating on my book after that.

[johanirae.livejournal.com]

Damn~ Why can't you sit next to me? People start moving away from me because I have vaguely slashy art on the train... I never tried fics. They may tar and feather me...:-p

[evadne-noel.livejournal.com]

Art is more reddily apparant than fic, I think. Just don't bring your fic porn on a laptop, I bet everyone would think it was class or presentation notes.

[restlesswolves.livejournal.com]

Sadly, this is going to be me when I'm fifty-something. Except with Sirius/Remus and Jack/Will. I don't know if I'm ashamed or glad that there are others out there like me? She's paving the path...lol!

[evadne-noel.livejournal.com]

Don't be ashamed! Proudly go out and become the Train Porn Lady! I was a bit taken aback, but that's because I wasn't expecting it.

[paderau.livejournal.com]

Train stories are always nice. My train stories usually revolve around the elderly. Old people like talking with me.

[evadne-noel.livejournal.com]

My train stories are always weird. I'm betting the old people who like talking to you don't try to read you porn.

"A Funny Thing Happened Today On the Metro..."

[musicalqueen101.livejournal.com]

(Ok so my free association immediately went "porn on a train", "Snakes on a Plane!")

And then all I could think was of Severus Snape experiencing this. A OUaFT: "Severus Snape Takes the Metro". Of course there would have to be a couple making out in the background. There are always couples making out on the metro. According to Hollywood.

Re: "A Funny Thing Happened Today On the Metro..."

[evadne-noel.livejournal.com]

Well, it was sort of a Snakes on a Plane joke. When I was sitting there, my first thought was, "Porn! On a train!"

This might make a good OUaFT, you're right. I've alredy mentioned the Underground.

Hollywood Metro is seriously not real world Metro. Like, train cars with only one person in them? Never happens. Even at the last stop, because trains run so infrequently at night, there's usually at least seven or eight people in a car, all the way out.

Anyway, I'm sure you didn't need to know that.

[barlowgirl61087.livejournal.com]

this has nothing to do with porn or trains, but in middle school there was a girl in my gym class who claimed that she was a vampire slayer.

like to the extent that she carried around crosses and wooden steaks in her back pack.

strangest. locker room. convos. ever.

[featherwish.livejournal.com]

Seriously? The things TV can do to people...

[mellowinsanity.livejournal.com]

haha that's so awesome

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

You know what scares me?

One day, I will be that woman. Obviously not with Spike/Xander (not my fandom), but I will totally be 50-something-porn-reading-woman.

Either that or I'll still be having public fandom discussions the way I do now.

[evadne-noel.livejournal.com]

I don't ever plan on stopping my public fandom discussions. It's not that much different from watercooler TV conversation, is it? Only less who's doing what on Desperate House Wives and more Wizards, taxation and emergency vehicles.

So, I'll be that lady too, in a sense.

[capri-chan.livejournal.com]

That almost beats the punk lumberjacks and pirates thing.

[evadne-noel.livejournal.com]

Almost...

[featherwish.livejournal.com]

ROFL!

At least she was not trying to explain her fics to you. Happened to me a couple of times, a slash-loving friend explained her story to me in the elevator - next to my literature professor ("... and then I have Snape kiss Harry, but not really with tongue, that would be gross, but then they do sleep with each other, anyway, because they are both too emotionally scarred to do so just yet, but when he has his orgasm, Harry says "I love you", so Snape knows that he can trust him, and they..."). I am scarred for life.

[evadne-noel.livejournal.com]

Man, that literature professor must have been shocked. Unless it was my Fantasy/Sci-Fi teacher from University who gave a little presentation on the origins and purpose of slash in fandom once.