This Continues to Not Be My Life

When someone said to me the other day, “Oh, your name is Noelle? You must have been born at Christmas!” (NO), I knew it was about time for me to break out my yearly rant about how much I hate Christmas music. Enjoy my vitriol!

( HUMBUG )

Phew. I’m actually feeling much better about Christmas now, though that may just be the fact that I’ve gotten about 90% of my shopping done already. Regardless, I'm so mellow that I'm ready for any jokes you might have about my name. Fire away.

Happy Holidays, and may all your Christmas songs be the good versions!

Today I saw my first Christmas/holiday-themed television commercial (Pop-Tarts *glares*). I just want to say that this is just not on, and if I hear even one Christmas carol on the radio before Thanksgiving...well, let's just say that it is very unlikely that I will be having last year's problem.

I'm watching you, mass media. Let's not do anything rash.

I really should have done this last week because that's when one of the radio stations I listen to started playing Christmas music full time, but I was in a state of denial and didn't want to deal with the inevitable. But since every consumer establishment around feels the need to play holiday muzak and one of my apartment complex neighbors has been suffering from a severe case of premature illumination, I can't avoid it anymore. It's time for my now yearly rant about Christmas music.

I freakin' hate it.

You might be thinking, "Well, that's just because your name is Noelle and you've spent two decades pretending to laugh at everyone who thought they were making a 'First Noel' joke for the first time."

NO.

I hate it because there appear to be twenty Christmas songs that get played over and over on radio stations without regard to the vast library of Christmas music that exists in the world. And these twenty songs are always the worst versions of classics as sung by popstars or "modern carols" that have terrible lyrics (think Love Actually).

Of course, I can just turn the radio off and listen to my MP3 player for two months. But in the real world, stores need to put up their ugly decorations and start with the music, apparently right after Halloween ends. And not just malls, any place with in-store music. The grocery store. The pharmacy. WHY?! It does not make your place more festive! It makes me want to get out more quickly!

Songs I never want to hear again:
1) "Do They Know It's Christmas Time At All?" - I have already heard this song at least a dozen times. Make it stop.
2) "It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas" - that's only because retail shops are jumping the gun earlier and earlier every year.
3) "Little Drummer Boy" - see last year's rant
4) "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" - I forever associate this song with Staples now, so it feels really weird to hear it around Christmas.
5) "A Wonderful Christmas Time" by Paul McCartney. The Elton John one is bad too, but not played nearly as much as this one.

("The First Noel" may not be on that list, but I still would rather never hear it again. It's just not played often enough to make it to the list.)

EDITED BECAUSE I FORGOT THE WORST SONG IN CREATION: Dominic the Donkey - the surest way to get rid of guests at any Christmas party, but works best with Italians.

Here are some songs that I could stand to have included in rotation:
1) "Oh Holy Night" as sung by someone who can actually hit the "divine" note.
2) "Do You Hear What I Hear?" - a GOOD version, mind you.
3) "Christmas Is the Time to Say I Love You" as sung by Billy Squire because for a modern Christmas song, it is very rarely played.
4) "Silver Bells" - 'cause it's pretty and not often played.
5) Rare carols - but I seriously doubt anyone will be playing "Bring a Torch, Jeanette Isabella" any time soon.

There, I feel better. And since I got this out, here's your yearly opportunity to make fun of my name. Feel. Free.

On another note, I have truly lost my copy of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: Breadbox Edition. Several people have told me that they used to copy my BBEs onto their hard drive when they were on FF.net. Does anyone have a copy of that BBE? I have the notes to rewrite it, but I would rather not do that again. I would be very grateful if someone had it.