evadne_noel (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
evadne_noel) wrote2008-07-04 07:44 pm
evadne_noel) wrote2008-07-04 07:44 pm
Entry tags:
- fanfiction,
- harry,
- hp,
- sydtbe,
- voldemort
Fanfiction: So You've Decided to Be Evil
So, just in time for the Fourth of July holiday, I decided we need a little reminder from our favorite faily psychopath of how people come to together to form new countries/law systems based on the values they hold most dear.
Lord Voldemort Declares the Rights of Wizardkind
“I’ve been thinking.”
Harry Potter had never given much thought to the hating of individual words. However, faced as he currently was by a very serious, quill wielding, no personal space conceiving Dark Lord, he was giving the concept very careful consideration.
For these were words he had heard before.
“Do you agree,” continued Voldemort, completely ignoring Harry’s attempts to bury himself further in his book, “that we are currently under the rule of a tyrannical maniac bent on our subjugation?”
“Well,” said Harry, “yeah, actually.”
“Good!” said Voldemort. “Then you will agree to assist me in drafting a document to send to The Daily Prophet announcing the Death Eaters’ intentions of separating from the Ministry and possibly going to war with them should they continue to try to forcibly mingle us with Muggleborns.”
Harry gaped openly but futilely as Voldemort magicked up a quill and roll of parchment, and thrust them into Harry’s hands. “Take this down,” started Voldemort. “Ahem. ‘Sciatis nos intuitu Dei et pro salute anime nostre et omnium antecessorum-’”
“Hey! Whoa there!” interrupted Harry. “I don’t think I can spell any of those words.”
“Really?” asked Voldemort. “They don’t teach Latin at Hogwarts anymore? What is this world coming to? Okay, let’s try something else then: ‘When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands-’”
“Wait a minute. Are you sure you want to go there?” asked Harry.
“All right, all right,” said Voldemort. “One more time: ‘Les Représentants du Peuple Français, constitués en Assemblée Nationale, considérant que l'ignorance-’”
“Seriously,” said Harry. “I don’t speak much French, but I know you just said ‘The representatives of the French people.’ What do the French have to do with this?”
“You’re right,” snapped Voldemort, snatching away what little badly transcribed writing Harry had gotten down. “This declaring thing is overrated. How about I just blow something up, kill a few people and let off a Dark Mark? Think that’ll get my point across?”
(Author’s Note: Just so you know, that was the Magna Carta, the Declaration of Independence and the Declaration of the Rights of Man and Citizen. And, if you’re ever in D.C., you should A) come see me, and B) go to the Library of Congress to see the drafts of the Declaration of Independence. They’re both fascinating and hilarious because you can see the parts that Thomas Jefferson crossed out and changed. It’s lots of fun to make up stuff you can’t quite read, like: “When in the Course of human eventsyour king has the face of a dog and the brains of a squid it becomes necessary for one people…”)
Lord Voldemort Declares the Rights of Wizardkind
“I’ve been thinking.”
Harry Potter had never given much thought to the hating of individual words. However, faced as he currently was by a very serious, quill wielding, no personal space conceiving Dark Lord, he was giving the concept very careful consideration.
For these were words he had heard before.
“Do you agree,” continued Voldemort, completely ignoring Harry’s attempts to bury himself further in his book, “that we are currently under the rule of a tyrannical maniac bent on our subjugation?”
“Well,” said Harry, “yeah, actually.”
“Good!” said Voldemort. “Then you will agree to assist me in drafting a document to send to The Daily Prophet announcing the Death Eaters’ intentions of separating from the Ministry and possibly going to war with them should they continue to try to forcibly mingle us with Muggleborns.”
Harry gaped openly but futilely as Voldemort magicked up a quill and roll of parchment, and thrust them into Harry’s hands. “Take this down,” started Voldemort. “Ahem. ‘Sciatis nos intuitu Dei et pro salute anime nostre et omnium antecessorum-’”
“Hey! Whoa there!” interrupted Harry. “I don’t think I can spell any of those words.”
“Really?” asked Voldemort. “They don’t teach Latin at Hogwarts anymore? What is this world coming to? Okay, let’s try something else then: ‘When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands-’”
“Wait a minute. Are you sure you want to go there?” asked Harry.
“All right, all right,” said Voldemort. “One more time: ‘Les Représentants du Peuple Français, constitués en Assemblée Nationale, considérant que l'ignorance-’”
“Seriously,” said Harry. “I don’t speak much French, but I know you just said ‘The representatives of the French people.’ What do the French have to do with this?”
“You’re right,” snapped Voldemort, snatching away what little badly transcribed writing Harry had gotten down. “This declaring thing is overrated. How about I just blow something up, kill a few people and let off a Dark Mark? Think that’ll get my point across?”
(Author’s Note: Just so you know, that was the Magna Carta, the Declaration of Independence and the Declaration of the Rights of Man and Citizen. And, if you’re ever in D.C., you should A) come see me, and B) go to the Library of Congress to see the drafts of the Declaration of Independence. They’re both fascinating and hilarious because you can see the parts that Thomas Jefferson crossed out and changed. It’s lots of fun to make up stuff you can’t quite read, like: “When in the Course of human events
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Two items related to cooking and a certain colour come to mind when Voldemort says that...
Also, nice to see that
HarryMerak is learning that if he can't prevent Voldemort from killing people he can at least hurry up the process by pointing out the stupidity of the other plans, and thus save himself some suffering.no subject
LOL, yeah, that's pretty much Harry's purpose in these stories. "How fast can I get rid of him this time?" Originally they were supposed to trade incompetence, but Voldemort's is so much easier.
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To be fair, I suppose people don't really associate kettles with cooking. But they are used on a stove, so that counts for something, right?
GODDAMMIT, my card messed up somehow, thus making it impossible for me to buy anything online, so I can't renew my paid account, and more than half my icons are inactive, and I now have ZERO usable HP icons.
WTF?! They leave me my Christmas icon that I haven't used since DECEMBER, but my Prison Bitch icon is inactive? And the Jareth one, too?! Who the hell decided that? I could understand if they deactivated all of them except the first fifteen, but it looks like they decided this at complete random.
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I've heard that about expired paid accounts and icons. It's really weird.
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(B) Harry has obviously learned how to get things done, even with L. V. running things - point out it's stupid, and try to get him to just do what he always does ... which, is also stupid. But, stupid-er.
(C) I HAVE MISSED THIS SO MUCH!! Hooray for the 4th of July!
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Harry may not be learning much Dark Magic, but he is definitely racking up the life skills. This is why he will become the greatest Auror of his time: he understands the very, very stupid mindset of evil.
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*hopes*
Even if not, thanks for the post, dearling
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I've lived in D.C. for about four years now, and I love it so much. The vast number of free museums definitely contributes to that love.
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When I was in England last month I got to see the Magna Carta. :) And despite visiting DC numerous times I still haven't seen the Declaration of Independence :( I'll say I'm just saving it for this fall and college.
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I'm the other way around. I've seen the Declaration of Independence many of times, but I totally flaked on seeing the Magna Carta when I was in the U.K. I probably won't get another chance until sometime in the future (and then I probably wont' see it then, either).
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I mean, it's the least I can do.
Heh heh. Lord Thingy...
"Think that’ll get my point across?”
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So, yeah. Just to say I love your fics and stuff, and I hope you keep writing. Your BBEs especially = much love. Not that I'm pressurising, though, I just wanted you to know that what you write is quite possibly the best fic I've come across.
Okay, I really hope I don't sound stalkery or anything. Um...yeah. I'll stop with the slightly creepy gushing praise now.
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re: Fanfiction: So You've Decided to Be Evil
Re: Fanfiction: So You've Decided to Be Evil
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