PSA: Spider-Man 3

[evadne_noel]

Note: This is less of a review, and more of a Public Service Announcement. There are spoilers below, but I really feel that you need to know in order to understand.

Friends, I think it is clear that Sam Raimi does not want to make Spider-Man movies anymore. I think we should respect his wishes and not fork over any more money to see this in the theater.

How do I know this? Because Spider-Man 3 is not a Spider-Man movie, but a parody of a Spider-Man movie. Because nothing else but a parody would have not only two musical numbers BUT ALSO a dance number. Only a parody would have dialogue like that which spewed from the mouth of Bernard “I Wish I Was Alfred Pennyworth, But I’m Composed Entirely of Plywood” the Butler. Only a parody would have a transformation to The Dark Side accompanied by emo-hair, eyeliner and enough sashaying down the street to make John Travolta green with envy. Only a parody would let Stan Lee talk on screen for as long as Spider-Man 3 did.

Now there is nothing inherently wrong with a parody. Sam Raimi makes damn good parodies, and I fully admit that I will probably buy Spider-Man 3 to watch while knocking back a number of hard ciders and laughing myself sick. However, it is a question of tone. One does not usually start one’s series with something as meant, if a bit saccharine as Spider-Man, continue it with the cheesier, but still as serious, Spider-Man 2, and then end it with a guy made of sand shedding a single tear (despite the fact that he is MADE OF SAND and would probably lack tear ducts) before melting away into the sunrise.

So, I am asking you, no, pleading with you, to help Sam Raimi. Because if this movie continues to make money hand over fist, he will be forced to make Spider-Man 4. Who knows how far he will go if he is forced to make a movie about someone like Electro, the guy with the starfish-shaped, neon-yellow mask, or Mysterio, who’s wearing a fishbowl on his head for God’s sake. There is only so much he (and I) can take.

Comments

[idrach.livejournal.com]

My theater wasn't too bad about the movie (though when Topher Grace made his sadface, I wondered if I should laugh or not because it was exactly the same face that he made as Eric Foreman when he was pretending to be sad. But I decided not to because no one else was). My friend's theatre on the other hand... when MJ kissed Harry, all the guys in the theatre started shouting "slut!" when they, you know, didn't do the same when Peter kissed Bryce Howard's character.

[evadne-noel.livejournal.com]

Of course they didn't. Well, there's my genuinely depressing thought about Spider-Man 3.

[idrach.livejournal.com]

I can surpass that genuinely depressing thought about SP3 if you so desire. :/

[evadne-noel.livejournal.com]

My morbid curiosity requires me to ask how.

[idrach.livejournal.com]

They cheered when Peter hit her.

I wish I was making this up, but you can go ask edensrose, she's the one who told me this.

[evadne-noel.livejournal.com]

Ick. And yet I am not surprised. God, I can't even imagine the thought process.