evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (Bizenghast by M. Alice Legrow)
Well, Iowa is done standing in the corner for their delegates, and my parents in New Hampshire are busy determining who will be left for the rest of America to vote for, so I guess it's time for me to make my sort-of-annual plea for political participation.

I'm doing this because I live in freaking Virginia, which isn't having its primary until February 12th, AFTER Super Tuesday (Feb. 5th). I'm going to have a choice of, like, two people. So those of you with more options better take advantage of it.

The problem with primaries is that there is so much more to know. You have to know which of the dozen or so candidates best represents you, you have to know what the date of your primary is (because we can't just have one standard date for the primaries, noooooooooooo), you have to know whether your state has an open primary (because if you don't, and you're not registered for a party, you don't get to vote), etc.

So this is my plea to get organized, do your research and vote! I don't have to tell you how important the 2008 Presidential election will be, and the primaries will determine not only who will be running then, but what will be discussed in their platforms.

A handy voting guide for those of you unfamiliar with the candidates.
evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (Fortinbras by songstressicons)
As a long time reader and admirer of Jane Austen’s works, do you know what causes me to lose sleep at night? Why, the thought that she may not have been a total hottie, of course.

You know who else I worry about? This guy. Man, just look at that forehead. Freaktacular. Okay, maybe that’s not a fair picture. No one looks good in an engraving; they were the license photos of their day. How about this one? The earring is kind of sexy, but we still have the giant fivehead of doom there. And in this one he’s using his massive cranium to send landing signals to small planes. C’mon, man. How do you expect us to take you seriously as the Greatest Author in the English Language of, Like, All Time, Ever if it looks like you haven’t seen the sun in a decade or so?

Because if you don’t totally look like this, I just can’t respect you.
evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (Bizenghast by M. Alice Legrow)
In my inbox today, I received a message with the following subject line: “vampire may provide better pain relief.”

And I thought, “No, dude! That’s what they want you to think!”

People, I hope you all realize that a vampire is not an appropriate substitute for a proper acupuncturist. I know the Holistic Vampirism Council has been very active in promoting vampires as an alternative pain reliever, but independent studies have clearly shown that they are far exaggerating their claims. People visiting vampires are far more likely to report increased pain, as well as fatigue, open wounds, and rising from the dead to drink the blood of the living. Never mind that there is no way to guarantee that the vampire has sanitized the piercing apparatus.

I think it’s time we crack down on these vampires spreading false information to consumers already burdened with physical discomfort. Be sure to report all illegal vampire pain relief clinics, and spread word to your friends and family to beware of these scam operations.
evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (Bizenghast by M. Alice Legrow)
Givens:

1. I have a cold.
2. Nyquil makes me hallucinate.
3. I am reading an Icelandic pseudo-saga.

Hypothesis:

1. If I buy something that is not Nyquil, I will not hallucinate when I go to bed.

Experiment:

1. I buy Tylenol Cold PM and take it before bed.

Results:

1. I have a three-hour hallucination that takes the form of a Nordic saga.

Conclusions:

1. No more cold medicines with hypnotics. Ever.
2. Iceland is infested with trolls.

Questions for further research:

1. How much did Vicks pay to have “Nyquil” inserted in the Microsoft Word dictionary?
2. And why didn’t they pay that little more to make it “NyQuil?”

Edit: So, I was wondering why LiveJournal suddenly had a nautical theme, when I remembered that it's International Talk Like a Pirate Day. So, um, arrrrrr, thar be trolls off the port bow!
evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (Malfoyowski BBE icon by poetrusic)
This morning, on my way in to work via the Metro, I sat down next to a 50-something lady with her laptop open. I, being the nosy busybody that I am, glanced over at what she was reading.



It was Buffy fanfic porn. Spike/Xander, no less.









I'm trying to think of something witty to add to this, but I think it just speaks for itself.

Theory:

Jun. 11th, 2006 01:03 am
evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (Bizenghast by M. Alice Legrow)
We are supposed to be living in a musical.

Hear me out.

Okay, you know how you always have a song stuck in your head? Sometimes you just can't rid of it no matter what you do or who you try to pawn it off on, adn sometimes you think you've gotten rid of it, but you haven't really because it's just sitting in the back of your mind just waiting for something to unleash it again.

God, I can't remember what my point was.

Right, the musical. Anyway, that song in the back of your head is a some sort of vestigal genetic thing. This is why people sing things that don't need to be sung or why my father will sing lyrics to songs to tunes he knows, HE KNOWS, are not the right tune. He's making things up out of no where because he's developing his own musical. You're supposed to be singing because you're living in a musical. Yes, you are.

But you think you can't sing, or you can sing but society has trained you not to sing. Because the average person can't sing, and since we dont' want bad music all over the place, we've put a stigma on breaking out into song randomly.

Wait, wait. Scratch all that. We are evolving into a musical.

We can't all sing because we haven't evolved into a higher musical loving form. Some day, when we can all sing, we're going to achieve that utopic musical state. Because we'll all be able to express that song that is constantly in our heads. At first, it'll be a lesser world of covers, but eventually we'll develop whatever genes we need to successfully write our own songs. And some of them will suck, that's true. No one is a hundred percent all the time. We'll just have to evolve critic genes too. But it won't matter because we'll evolved into our highest form: The Musical.

Yes. 20.

Goddamn, I should lie down.
evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (Ep III BBE icon by maealoeki)
I did see X3 on Friday (and on Saturday), but since everything I could say about it is already on your friends list or in professional reviews, I decided to do something different.

On our way to see the movie, [livejournal.com profile] sadalice and I saw people protesting The Da Vinci Code. We wondered if it would help if we told them we were seeing the X-Men movie, but decided not, as Mutants were probably also an abomination unto the Lord.

And then we started discussing, what if Mutants were in the Bible:

Do not enter if thou art easily offended (and I do mean easily). Also, contains movie and comic spoilers, and bad Renaissance English. )
evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (StGH icon by alory_shannon)
Just some funny things I have to share that seem to center around the Metro:

1) There is this guy I see at the Metro everyday with a terrible painting of Omega Red (bad guy from X-Men) on the back of his jean jacket. This picture to be exact. I cannot imagine why, as Omega Red a) is not exactly on the Magneto scale of public knowledge, and b) kinda sucks. It really makes me wish I had a camera phone so I could share the awesome horribleness of this jacket.

2) There are these two guys on my bus ride to the Metro who have the greatest conversations. There was this great one about sharks I've mostly forgotten, but today's was great. They seem to be in a band and are writting songs:

Guy #1: We're a serious band, you know.
Guy #2: I know.
Guy #1: So you see why you can't write songs about lumberjacks.
Guy #2: What's wrong with lumberjacks? Lumberjacks are serious.
Guy #1: No one writes punk songs about lumberjacks.
Guy #2: You're the one writing songs about pirates.
Guy #1: Pirates are cool. Pirates have history and stories.
Guy #2: Lumberjacks are cool.
Guy #1: No, they're not. Pirates have peg legs and metal hooks.
Guy #2: Lumberjacks have chainsaws. And they could have peg legs.
Guy #1: They don't have peg legs.
Guy #2: The chainsaw could be attached to their hand. Like Evil Dead.
Guy #1: Those aren't lumberjacks. Those are lumberjacks from the depths of HELL.
Guy #2: Real pirates didn't have peg legs and metal hooks.
Guy #1: Next you're going to tell me they didn't have parrots or wear girly shirts. Blouses.
Guy #2: Lumberjacks are cool.
Guy #1: Yeah, all right. Is your next song going to be about the Forest Service?

Meanwhile, it was all I could do not to start humming the Lumberjack Song.

3) I saw a unicycle chained up outside the Metro at my work for the second time. Someone is riding around a unicycle in DC. I MUST see this. I really need to start carrying around a camera.
evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (Malfoyowski BBE icon by poetrusic)
What does one do when someone stubbornly and persistently gets one’s name wrong?

There’s a woman at work that appears to be under the delusion that my name is “Nicole.” Now, this is not entirely unusual because my real name also begins with a “N,” and for some reason, people are only able to connect the letter “N” with the girl’s name “Nicole,” but it’s been several weeks now, and I’ve corrected her (politely, of course) every time she says it. But she still calls me “Nicole!”

I even have a freakin’ nameplate at my desk! It’s like it’s willful or something.

Short of always wearing my Hecht’s nametag, I can’t think of anything else I can do to get her to use my actual name. I think I’ll just give up and let my boss stare at her in quizzical silence until she figures out no one has any idea who she’s referring to when she says “Nicole.”
evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (StGH icon by alory_shannon)
Ten Ways to Tell You’re Reading a Fic by Evadne Noel

1. Lucius is so out of character that everyone else appears to be in character by comparison.

2. 90% of the fics have the following plot: Voldemort does something ill-advised, Snape snarks about it, Lucius has no idea what is going on and the rest of the Death Eaters stand around like rocks.

3. Minor details from earlier stories are destined to come back as lame jokes in future chapters.

4. All chapters are built around one single line; it is usually pretty obvious which one.

5. The narrator occasionally feels the need to talk to you directly; at length and not about anything of importance to the story.

6. The title is frequently the best joke in the story.

7. Voldemort never actually thinks up a plan; he just thinks about thinking up a plan.

8. At any given moment, Harry and Voldemort are approximately five seconds away from joining forces and screaming down the Death Eaters for being such idiots.

9. Dumbledore is a crafty, scheming, nearly omniscient, perpetually unworried, no-account, bad-gift-giving jerk.

10. Attempts to impose any type of continuity or sense are actively discouraged, as they will only result in massive headaches anyway.
evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (Default)
Always Remember: )
evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (Ep III BBE icon by maealoeki)
If you've ever read my journal or anything I've written and wondered, "Where did this girl and her weird shit come from?", here's a hint: My father got me The Clapper for Christmas.







Yeah.
evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (Jules Cheret)
Okay, so I recently took a seasonal job at a department store. This means, of course, lame training videos about how not to be a jackass to customers, how not to sexually harass co-workers and how not to be stealing from the company.

So, one of the videos was called "If Looks Could Kill," and was about being nice to customers no matter how abusive they get. It crossed the stupid line by being a murder mystery. Yes. A murder mystery of the type where the Scotland Yard guy gathers everyone into a room and announces that the butler did it. Complete with a ridiculous twist ending. The unfortunate victim? Richard Griffiths.

That's right. Today I watched Vernon Dursley get killed by bad service.*

It makes me wonder how many other members of the Harry Potter cast have been in silly training videos (or will eventually be in silly training videos). I mean, I joke that Harry Potter is the Chamber of Defunct Shakespearean Actors, but this is even weirder. I mean, I think all British actors are required to be in a Shakespeare play/movie at least once, and all actors period are required to humiliate themselves in films occasionally, but wow. A training video with the main message being that "Behavior breeds behavior," so even if someone is trying to kill you, be nice. And it's watched in May department stores across the nation.



*In case you're wondering, all the bad service drove him crazy, so he jumped into a lake because someone told him to. That was the best part.
evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (Bizenghast by M. Alice Legrow)
I really should have done this last week because that's when one of the radio stations I listen to started playing Christmas music full time, but I was in a state of denial and didn't want to deal with the inevitable. But since every consumer establishment around feels the need to play holiday muzak and one of my apartment complex neighbors has been suffering from a severe case of premature illumination, I can't avoid it anymore. It's time for my now yearly rant about Christmas music.

I freakin' hate it.

You might be thinking, "Well, that's just because your name is Noelle and you've spent two decades pretending to laugh at everyone who thought they were making a 'First Noel' joke for the first time."

NO.

I hate it because there appear to be twenty Christmas songs that get played over and over on radio stations without regard to the vast library of Christmas music that exists in the world. And these twenty songs are always the worst versions of classics as sung by popstars or "modern carols" that have terrible lyrics (think Love Actually).

Of course, I can just turn the radio off and listen to my MP3 player for two months. But in the real world, stores need to put up their ugly decorations and start with the music, apparently right after Halloween ends. And not just malls, any place with in-store music. The grocery store. The pharmacy. WHY?! It does not make your place more festive! It makes me want to get out more quickly!

Songs I never want to hear again:
1) "Do They Know It's Christmas Time At All?" - I have already heard this song at least a dozen times. Make it stop.
2) "It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas" - that's only because retail shops are jumping the gun earlier and earlier every year.
3) "Little Drummer Boy" - see last year's rant
4) "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" - I forever associate this song with Staples now, so it feels really weird to hear it around Christmas.
5) "A Wonderful Christmas Time" by Paul McCartney. The Elton John one is bad too, but not played nearly as much as this one.

("The First Noel" may not be on that list, but I still would rather never hear it again. It's just not played often enough to make it to the list.)

EDITED BECAUSE I FORGOT THE WORST SONG IN CREATION: Dominic the Donkey - the surest way to get rid of guests at any Christmas party, but works best with Italians.

Here are some songs that I could stand to have included in rotation:
1) "Oh Holy Night" as sung by someone who can actually hit the "divine" note.
2) "Do You Hear What I Hear?" - a GOOD version, mind you.
3) "Christmas Is the Time to Say I Love You" as sung by Billy Squire because for a modern Christmas song, it is very rarely played.
4) "Silver Bells" - 'cause it's pretty and not often played.
5) Rare carols - but I seriously doubt anyone will be playing "Bring a Torch, Jeanette Isabella" any time soon.

There, I feel better. And since I got this out, here's your yearly opportunity to make fun of my name. Feel. Free.

On another note, I have truly lost my copy of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: Breadbox Edition. Several people have told me that they used to copy my BBEs onto their hard drive when they were on FF.net. Does anyone have a copy of that BBE? I have the notes to rewrite it, but I would rather not do that again. I would be very grateful if someone had it.
evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (Bizenghast by M. Alice Legrow)
My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
evadne_noel goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as Harvey the Rabbit.
capri_chan gives you 3 mauve tropical-flavoured gummy worms.
classictrilogy gives you 1 mauve cherry-flavoured gumdrops.
dreamstrifer tricks you! You get a wad of paper.
federal_duck gives you 16 brown grape-flavoured nuggets.
irishmastermind tricks you! You lose 9 pieces of candy!
makani gives you 6 brown cherry-flavoured wafers.
musicgyrl14 gives you 18 red orange-flavoured gummy worms.
paderau tricks you! You get a rock.
sadalice gives you 5 red-orange orange-flavoured gummy worms.
tanaraniel gives you 18 pink coffee-flavoured pieces of bubblegum.
evadne_noel ends up with 58 pieces of candy, a wad of paper, and a rock.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.


Halloween Party! )
evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (Bizenghast by M. Alice Legrow)
So I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby just got indicted. But how did this happen? For you, I present the comedy:

The Indictment of Scooter )

Disclaimer: This is a parody which makes fun of everyone. Yes, even you and me. The order of events may not be exact, as this indictment took something like two years and a lot of weird shit went down in that time.
evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (OUaFT - Inside Joke!)
Well, I guess this explains what Wormtail was doing during the fifth and sixth books.

And Pierre is the French variant for... )

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