Friends, we are gathered here today to celebrate the life of a very special piece of machinery. I met her back in the year 2000, when she was called EVADNE. Yes, she had that name even before I did. It would be the first of many names she would hold, including LUNA (to match the other two computers in the house, MOTHER EARTH and SOL) and AURORA (because I eventually name everything Aurora).
I had known other computers before her, but in their hearts, they had always belonged to someone else. Sure, I could play my adventure games (e.g., 1001 Ways to Kill Yourself
) and look up The Pretender
fanfiction on them, but I knew they preferred my mother’s genealogy programs. EVADNE was the first computer to love me for me
We had some great times together, especially back in my college days. I introduced her to Napster, before he sold out. I wrote my first idiotic fanfiction on her, and I still have that file, converted from WordPerfect to Word, to this day. We got involved in some viral trouble back in 2002, but I got her into detox before it was too late.
I admit now, at this late date, that I had a fling with a laptop (the aforementioned SOL) in 2003-2004, but she was always my first love. It’s just that shouldn’t could travel with me, even if I wished she could. Also, she couldn’t play DVDs, but that tiff ended when I bought myself a DVD player.
She was never the fastest computer, and she always had memory problems, but when that mysterious virus struck her down, we were all so surprised. Despite her limitations, she fought a long, hard battle, and if it hadn’t been for the failure of the Function keys, she may still have pulled through. Alas, it was not to be.
Her gritty grey box monitor, her three-minute boot time, her Zip Drive: I will miss them all. But she will not disappear from this earth in its entirety. Her parts will be recycled, and someone else will someday use a computer comprised of her parts. Perhaps even me. (Though not this next computer, because that’s already ordered.)
Goodbye, old friend. Godspeed.