evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (Raven is shocked)
2009-03-09 08:18 pm
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Movie Review: Watchmen

Watchmen is sometimes great*, sometimes good**, sometimes meh***, and sometimes pretty awful****.

But they left out my favorite scene, and for that I may never forgive them )




*The opening credits sequence
**Jackie Earle Haley
***Any scene between Dan and Laurie where Malin Akerman and Patrick Wilson refuse to act
****Ozymandias, and I really have no idea where to place the blame for this
evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (Private Moon)
2009-01-23 12:56 pm

Computer R.I.P.

Friends, we are gathered here today to celebrate the life of a very special piece of machinery. I met her back in the year 2000, when she was called EVADNE. Yes, she had that name even before I did. It would be the first of many names she would hold, including LUNA (to match the other two computers in the house, MOTHER EARTH and SOL) and AURORA (because I eventually name everything Aurora).

I had known other computers before her, but in their hearts, they had always belonged to someone else. Sure, I could play my adventure games (e.g., 1001 Ways to Kill Yourself) and look up The Pretender fanfiction on them, but I knew they preferred my mother’s genealogy programs. EVADNE was the first computer to love me for me.

We had some great times together, especially back in my college days. I introduced her to Napster, before he sold out. I wrote my first idiotic fanfiction on her, and I still have that file, converted from WordPerfect to Word, to this day. We got involved in some viral trouble back in 2002, but I got her into detox before it was too late.

I admit now, at this late date, that I had a fling with a laptop (the aforementioned SOL) in 2003-2004, but she was always my first love. It’s just that shouldn’t could travel with me, even if I wished she could. Also, she couldn’t play DVDs, but that tiff ended when I bought myself a DVD player.

She was never the fastest computer, and she always had memory problems, but when that mysterious virus struck her down, we were all so surprised. Despite her limitations, she fought a long, hard battle, and if it hadn’t been for the failure of the Function keys, she may still have pulled through. Alas, it was not to be.

Her gritty grey box monitor, her three-minute boot time, her Zip Drive: I will miss them all. But she will not disappear from this earth in its entirety. Her parts will be recycled, and someone else will someday use a computer comprised of her parts. Perhaps even me. (Though not this next computer, because that’s already ordered.)

Goodbye, old friend. Godspeed.
evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (Private Moon)
2008-12-11 05:52 pm

Do you hear what I hear?

When someone said to me the other day, “Oh, your name is Noelle? You must have been born at Christmas!” (NO), I knew it was about time for me to break out my yearly rant about how much I hate Christmas music. Enjoy my vitriol!

HUMBUG )

Phew. I’m actually feeling much better about Christmas now, though that may just be the fact that I’ve gotten about 90% of my shopping done already. Regardless, I'm so mellow that I'm ready for any jokes you might have about my name. Fire away.

Happy Holidays, and may all your Christmas songs be the good versions!
evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (Odyssey BBE icon by makani)
2008-11-18 04:23 pm
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Movie Review: Quantum of Solace

I was having a tough time writing the review I wanted for this movie, so I decided to cut out the long blocks of text that just weren’t working and went with what I know.

QUANTUM OF SOLACE: NUTSHELL EDITION


SPOILERS )

That pretty much sums up my feelings, perhaps a little more negatively than I’d like, so I’d just like to add a few more points.

1. If you haven’t seen Casino Royale since it came out, you might want to watch it again, since Quantum of Solace follows immediately after.

2. The opera scene is a great set-piece, and I’m not just saying that because Daniel Craig is in a tuxedo.

3. The action is amazing, even if it is of the bone crushing, wince-in-your-seat kind. It is, however, cut so each shot is about two seconds long, so if you’re prone to vertigo, you might not want to watch this on a big screen.
evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (Bizenghast by M. Alice Legrow)
2008-11-17 11:08 pm

Tell me I'm not crazy

Christian Slater used to be hot, right? I didn't just conjure that out of the fevered imagination of early adolescence, did I?

Because, seriously, his forehead in That Show That's About to Be Canceled Because They Did the Big Reveal in the First Episode Like Total Morons is freaking me right out and making me doubt my perception of movie history.
evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (Mucha Icon)
2008-11-05 09:03 am
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evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (Captain Marvel is not amused)
2008-11-03 07:45 pm
evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (Bizenghast by M. Alice Legrow)
2008-09-10 10:23 pm

Project Runway

On one hand, my least favorite person is gone. On the other, WTF.
evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (Captain Marvel is not amused)
2008-09-03 10:10 pm
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*frysquint*

Okay, so what's with all these "Election Spoilers!" cuts I've been seeing all over (aka, two) the place?

Are there people people who absolutely don't want to know who the candidates are until they walk into the voting booth on November 4th?

I suspect democracy was not meant to be run like a television episode premier.


P.S. Remember to register to vote before your state's deadline.
evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (Bizenghast by M. Alice Legrow)
2008-08-15 06:08 pm

Bizenghast Volume Five and Novel

So, I know there are Bizenghast fans who read my journal, so I just wanted to mention that volume five came out a few weeks ago. I shamefully admit that I just got my copy a few days ago, so I haven't given it a thorough going-over.

At first glance, Cut for spoilers )

Also recently released was Bizenghast : The Novel, a fine novelization of Bizeghast One by Shawn Thorgersen. Also included at the end is a bonus chapter written by myself, so if you're a fan of Bizenghast and me, please check it out.

I know, worst self-pimping ever. I am totally stoked to see my fake name in print, though.
evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (Mucha Icon)
2008-08-12 07:37 pm

Before They Were Stars, They Had to Work Through the 80s

So, not too long ago, some friends and I had a girls' movie night with Dirty Dancing and a cute movie I had never seen before called Shag*. The copy of Dirty Dancing was a little old (as in, from when the movie was released on VHS the first time), so all the previews were ancient, and the commercials managed to encapsulate everything that was wrong with the 80s. But one commercial caught our attention because of who it featured.

It was a Mountain Dew commercial from the days before their marketing firm decided that their particular lemon-lime soft drink was EXXXXTREME, so it wasn't quite over-the-top enough to deserve a second look. So, why did we have to rewind the tape to watch it several times? Shirtless Brad Pitt, of course.

Now, I'm sure you're thinking, "Eva, you can see Brad Pitt shirtless in any number of quality movies." And you're right. But where else can you see shirtless Brad Pitt wake-boarding behind a horse? No where, that's where.

Sadly, there is not a copy of this ad available online, or I would totally be embedding right now. Instead, have a '89 Pringles commercial with shirtless Brad Pitt:

Cut for a video with a hilarious audio track )

*Don't look at me like that. Shag is the official dance of South Carolina, and that's what this movie is about. Dancing. Though, I admit that if, like me, you learned a different definition of "shag" first, it adds an extra dimension of comedy. Especially since they talk about shagging at least once a scene, and two of the main characters enter a shag contest.

It helps to be secretly twelve.
evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (Mucha Icon)
2008-07-31 02:41 pm
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Movie Review: X-Files: I Want to Believe

So, if you are looking for this movie to tie up loose ends from the series, explore the ramifications of the last season, or even deal with them in some sort of coherent way, you’re probably going to want to skip this movie. If you’re still a big fan of The X-Files, I would recommend waiting for this to come out on DVD, renting it, and pretending that it’s just a really long episode of the television show. Because that’s pretty much what it is.

Cut for spoilers, and I’m not even joking here )
evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (Bizenghast by M. Alice Legrow)
2008-07-28 11:05 pm

They bus in the navigators from the women's prison because otherwise it would be too homoerotic

As a quick note, I have to say that I suspect that Death Race could potentially be the worst movie ever created.

I may need to see this in person.
evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (Random pirates by songstressicons)
2008-07-11 05:05 pm
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Movie Review: Hancock

I really liked the first half of this movie, so let’s talk about that first (that’s right; you have to read the boring nice stuff before getting to the funny mean stuff).

Will Smith plays his standard 4th-of-July-Character (named Hancock this year), with the added bonus traits of superpowers and a drinking problem. Will Smith has trouble dealing with the fact that he is the only superpowered being on the planet, and tries to assuage his existential angst with vast amounts of liquor and massive property damage. Perhaps not the best way to deal with it, but at least it’s not crappy poetry, right?

Into his life comes Jason Bateman, playing Michael Bluth if the rest of the Bluth family were occasionally altruistic drunks with the ability to fly, who believes strongly in Will Smith’s ability to put aside the alcohol and angst, and become a true force for good in the world. He uses his PR training to improve Will Smith’s public image and his boundless optimism to convince Will Smith that world wants to love him.

I just want to point out for a second that, though I was being mocking, I don’t really mind that both Will Smith and Jason Bateman are playing the same characters they always do. They’re both good at their type, and I would be honestly disappointed if I went to see a Will Smith movie in July, and he was playing a soft-spoken accountant who loves puppies and thinks that wise-cracks are a conversational refuge for those with nothing substantial to add. Jason Bateman is the quintessential nice guy on-screen, and I like that. If Smith and Bateman are disappointed with typecasting, it’s their problem, not mine.

Charlize Theron plays Jason Bateman’s wife, the last important character in the movie, though, unfortunately, in the good half of the movie she exists only to cast foreshadowy aspersions on Will Smith and tote around the “Hi! I’m so adorable!” child. This is a pity, because what goes wrong with her character in the second half isn’t her fault; it’s the screenwriters. But I’m skipping ahead.

So, to wrap up the nice half of this review, Hancock starts out with a really good premise and a pretty good execution. After all the comic book movies we’ve be getting recently, and will be getting in the future, it’s a good anti-superhero (not anti-hero, mind you) antidote. Will Smith and Jason Bateman are funny and engaging, and you can really see Will Smith’s character dealing with his bitterness and antipathy. Of course you know that Will Smith is eventually going to improve as a superhero and, um, human being, but his first attempts are hilariously stilted. He’s uncomfortable in his new role as a “real” hero, but not so much that it becomes an embarrassment squick (and I have a really refined squickometer). It’s a good progression, and I only wish it could have continued, because it’s right at this point that movie starts to go downhill.

Cut for spoilers )
evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (CoS BBE Icon by poetrusic)
2008-07-04 07:44 pm

Fanfiction: So You've Decided to Be Evil

So, just in time for the Fourth of July holiday, I decided we need a little reminder from our favorite faily psychopath of how people come to together to form new countries/law systems based on the values they hold most dear.


Lord Voldemort Declares the Rights of Wizardkind

Read more... )
evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (PotC2 BBE icon by lm_jillybean)
2008-04-07 09:26 pm
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The Fantastic Four: Breadbox Edition

So it’s not what you were expecting, and it’s not quite what I was expecting either, but, hey. At least it’s new, right?

(Author’s Note: Fantastic Four does not belong to me, but to Marvel Comics and Twentieth Century Fox. Dr. Evadne's warning: Please remember to take a grain of salt before reading. Do not expose to direct sunlight. May impair your ability to drive or operate heavy machinery. Anyone who fails to abide by the warning is responsible for their own indignation)

FANTASTIC FOUR: BREADBOX EDITION


Read more... )
evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (PotC2 BBE icon by lm_jillybean)
2008-03-20 04:09 pm

The Federal government in a nutshell

So apparently, the feds decided it was worth their time and effort to send an actual agent to my apartment,* but not to return either of the calls I made requesting they tell me what the hell is going on.

I feel this is typical.

Oh, well. If it was important, I would know by now. I just hope my neighbor isn’t a spy. 







*Admittedly, I live just outside of D.C., so this was not some sort of Incredible Journey,** but I hope the guy at least got paid mileage.

** I hope you are all picturing a be-suited, be-sunglasses-ed dude traveling across the Canadian wilderness accompanied by a Labrador, a bull terrier and a Siamese cat now, because I totally am.
 
evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (Bizenghast by M. Alice Legrow)
2008-03-15 11:26 pm

Naturally, I am a bit concerned

So, apparently the Secret Service came to see me at my apartment on Friday.

I was at work, it being, you know, a weekday, but they left me a nice note asking me to contact an agent. I doubt it's that important, as I haven't heard anything since. However, there is this one, petty detail: I cannot think of a single good reason why the Secret Service would need to talk to me. The only person I know applying for a Federal job didn't list me as a reference.

So, guys? If you're reading this, please call. Because you are freaking me right out.
evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (Random pirates by songstressicons)
2008-02-15 07:42 pm

Eavesdropping for fun and profit

On today's episode of "Overheard at Eva's Office":

"Well, I almost went to Woodstock, but then an opportunity to make money came up."
evadne_noel: A man and the cresent moon in a rowboat (Mucha Icon)
2008-02-14 02:18 pm
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Book Review: Pox by Deborah Hayden

On this day when we celebrate that most mysterious and ecstatic of emotions, I think we should all take a moment to give thanks for that most important discovery of humankind: penicillin.

If you don’t believe me when I say this, I suggest you read Deborah Hayden’s Pox: Genius, Madness and the Mysteries of Syphilis.